A letter to the woman who has just been told that her baby has died As I prepare to give birth again, I look back to just ten and a half months ago and wonder what advice I would give to myself now. The person who had just been told that her baby had died…… Continue reading Dear courageous mama….
Today marks my first Mother’s Day since Orla’s birth. I am a mother to a beautiful daughter who would now be almost 11 months old. I am also a mother to a baby growing inside of me. Yet, sometimes it is hard to show the world my status as a parent. I do…… Continue reading Parenting with empty arms
This week I caught up with (read: binge watched) The Replacement, and it reminded me of a blog post I started a few months ago and never got around to finishing or posting. Returning to work after the death of your baby is so complicated and multifaceted and there is no right or wrong…… Continue reading Working to live, not living to work
I am sure that there are many reasons as to why the last few weeks have been increasingly difficult emotionally. Why I have needed more support and more reassurance and why I have turned up at MAU twice in one week. As time moves forwards and this baby grows, the reality that we may be…… Continue reading When reassurance is less than reassuring
Looking back, the second trimester seemed to go on forever. Despite being incredibly busy in one way or another, the weeks felt long and the anxiety and worry seemed to gradually build. Whereas in the first trimester, I was able to adopt a more ‘whatever happens’ attitude (a sense that there was very little I…… Continue reading The long second trimester
Looking back at my diary entries from this time seems like a lifetime ago; this pregnancy has moved incredibly slowly for me: each week, day, sometimes hour, feeling like a lifetime. However, what I do remember of the first trimester was the safety of the secret bubble. Only Andy, myself and our midwife knew that…… Continue reading The first trimester
As I reach the third trimester, my anxieties have started to increase. The closer we get to the time we lost Orla, the more the fear of history repeating itself kicks in. Add in a couple of other challenges and bumps in the road, and my anxiety this week has hit an all-time peak.…… Continue reading Learning to ask for help