Uncategorized

Moving forward, not moving on

Dear Orla, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the moment I first wrote those two words, almost exactly twenty four hours after you were born.  I woke at home and my eyes immediately fixed on the empty crib beside our bed.  Empty.  Empty crib, empty arms, empty belly.  It’s a feeling that you can only…… Continue reading Moving forward, not moving on

Pregnancy after loss

The beginnings of processing pregnancy after loss

I feel that this will be the first of a series of posts, since if I write about it all now, it could take days to read.  There is so much swimming around in my head about my nine months of pregnancy after loss, and I want to give it the time and space it…… Continue reading The beginnings of processing pregnancy after loss

Loss

Parenting with empty arms

    Today marks my first Mother’s Day since Orla’s birth.  I am a mother to a beautiful daughter who would now be almost 11 months old.  I am also a mother to a baby growing inside of me.  Yet, sometimes it is hard to show the world my status as a parent.  I do…… Continue reading Parenting with empty arms

Mental health and wellbeing

Working to live, not living to work

  This week I caught up with (read: binge watched) The Replacement, and it reminded me of a blog post I started a few months ago and never got around to finishing or posting.  Returning to work after the death of your baby is so complicated and multifaceted and there is no right or wrong…… Continue reading Working to live, not living to work

Pregnancy after loss

The first trimester

Looking back at my diary entries from this time seems like a lifetime ago; this pregnancy has moved incredibly slowly for me: each week, day, sometimes hour, feeling like a lifetime.  However, what I do remember of the first trimester was the safety of the secret bubble.  Only Andy, myself and our midwife knew that…… Continue reading The first trimester

Mental health and wellbeing · Pregnancy after loss

Why midwives matter

  This week it was officially announced that my midwife Michelle (yes, that is quite confusing!) is the London regional winner of The Royal College of Midwives Mum’s Midwife of the Year.  I nominated Michelle back in the summer last year when we were away on our fundraising adventure and then promptly completely forgot about…… Continue reading Why midwives matter

Mental health and wellbeing

Dear Orla: Two hundred and sixty-five letters of love

“There is something very sensual about a letter. The physical contact of pen to paper, the time set aside to form thoughts, the folding of the paper into the envelope, licking it closed, addressing it, a chosen stamp, and then the release of the letter to the mailbox—are all acts of tenderness.  Once opened, a…… Continue reading Dear Orla: Two hundred and sixty-five letters of love